Well shit. That was quick.
Cheerio old chap! 🌊🌊
Well, well, well.
I’m back from my hiatus/three weeks in Canada and I’ve got news to share.
In an unforeseen and undesired twist of events, it seems like my London era is over. My family and I are moving back to Montreal. I don’t know why I used the expression “seems like.” It doesn’t seem like. It’s happening.
The specifics and reasons why we’re moving back to Canada have nothing to do with me. But this is a great reminder that we’re never in control. We may think we are, but it’s an illusion. Hey, I had plans and visions. But once again, life has demonstrated that I’m not in charge of the waves. The only thing I’m in charge of is how I ride ‘em1.
The next couple of weeks are going to be busy. I have to sell off my furniture. Close accounts. Pack up the crap I’m taking back to Montreal, like all the books my kid and I bought because we don’t have the ability to enter a Waterstones without purchasing a graphic novel or an essay collection. The good news is this plot twist is going to generate writing material. I already have essay ideas lined up, like A LIST OF EVERYTHING I’M GOING TO MISS AND NOT MISS ABOUT LONDON and EVERY TYPE OF PERSON ON FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE. Did you know some people use Facebook Marketplace as a strange version of Tinder? Me neither. I don’t know if I have the bandwidth to send a weekly newsletter at the moment, so we’ll see how it goes. If you don’t hear from me next week, it’s because I’m having a meltdown.
As for how I’m feeling about this move, well, it’s complicated.
This is the script I’ve been telling people:
It’s a shame, but we’re really grateful for the year we had abroad. It was such an enriching adventure for our family and we will cherish it forever. Sure, we’re a little disappointed about it being cut short, but in the end, we’re going back to our beloved Montreal. Our city. We’ll also be closer to our loved ones, and that’s what’s important.
This is how I really feel:
I’m not happy about this. I’m not done with London, and quite frankly, London isn’t done with me. This year has been intense. Settling in took time and just as I was getting my groove, the plans changed. I felt extremely lonely this past year. But the loneliness didn’t scare me. I had my crows. I had my writing. My loneliness was amazing for my art. Look at all the collage poems I made. I can also kiss goodbye to all those cheap flights to Europe. This sucks.
The world is on fire and there is a genocide happening and I’m writing from a place of extreme privilege. I know this. Poor lady. She’s migrating from one country to another, where she never had to worry about safety, housing or food. We live in a world of paradoxes and I don’t know how to wrap my brain around it. I don’t think it’s possible to reconcile all these realities.
We must keep making art. Even when everything feels hopeless.
I’ll see you soon.
Shout out to Glen Powell’s line in Twisters… “You don’t face your fears. You ride ‘em.”
A new beginning. Bon retour mon amie 🧡💐
Yes it was short but sweet.
Prends soin de toi je t'aime xxx
FGM ❤