I like my obsessions. They’re thrilling. There’s nothing like coming up with an idea, a vision, or something I want, and exploring it to the fullest. I’ve been consumed with a list of things throughout my life. Back in the early 2000s, it was shoes. My ultimate goal was to fill my closet with as many colourful, unique and beautiful stilettos as I could, in the hope of one day becoming the Québécoise version of Carrie Bradshaw. Sure, the goal was superficial. But rocking a pair of pink, blue and green camo-style heels while I pretended to enjoy Cosmopolitans in a club (the Bop or Bistro in my hometown of Gatineau, Québec) provided me with the confidence I needed to navigate young adulthood. I didn’t know who I was back then, but maybe Carrie could lead the way.
Carrie led me to Feet First. Carrie led me to Nine West. Carrie led me to The Bay. And that’s about as far as she led me, except for that one time I found myself alone, broke and hungry in Italy, all because I just had to have a pair of Italian sandals.
It was 2009. I was twenty-one years old and studying abroad in Spain. I had visited a friend in Italy over Easter break, and on my last day in Florence, a pair of brown leather strappy sandals called my name through a store window. I couldn’t walk away. They were beautiful. They were going to change everything. I imagined myself strutting through life with those sandals on my feet, and I believed they’d make me invincible. Why be a people pleaser with money problems when you can be the girl with amazing shoes? So I bought them and hopped on a train to Rome, where I had a flight booked for the next morning. I felt invigorated and hopeful. When I arrived in Rome, I was hungry. Never the type to carry cash, I went to the nearest ATM to withdraw twenty euros for a sandwich. When an “insufficient funds” message flashed on the screen, my armpits started tingling. I thought it was a mistake and tried withdrawing ten euros instead. The screen flashed again. INSUFFICIENT FUNDS.
That’s when I knew my obsession had gone too far. With my wallet between my legs and a shoebox under my arm, I returned to Spain ashamed I had let my infatuation with a TV character influence my better judgement. I ate cucumbers and plain pasta until I received my tax return two weeks later.
Many years later, Carrie is gone. I’ve kicked her out of my life. I have a much better sense of self: I don’t like Cosmos. I don’t like hanging out in bars or clubs, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m in my mid-thirties or a mother. I no longer judge my worth by the amount of shoes in my closet. My worth has nothing to do with material things. While I prefer strutting through life in sneakers now, I admit that I sometimes regret donating most of my stilettos during my “does this item spark joy?” phase. I miss my green patent leather sandals with the cute ankle strap.
Despite my wisdom and improved confidence, obsessions are still part of me. They simply don’t leave me stranded in Europe anymore. I view them as a heightened form of curiosity. A need to explore and to know more (or everything) about a specific thing, idea or topic.
As for the Italian sandals, I’m not sure where they are now. I hope they’re making someone else feel invigorated and hopeful.
See you in two weeks.
Hello, lover.
I loved your newsletter!!
Comme j'aime te lire chère Michelle ! Tu écris bien !
C'est trop drôle, moi aussi j'ai fait l'achat d'une paire de savates en cuir rouge à Florence en Italie en 2002 ! Ha ! Ha ! Je n'ai pas pu résister !
Même si je n'ai pas porté ces savates trop souvent, (elles ne sont pas trop confortables !), je ne pouvais pas résister le cuir natté et rouge ! D'ailleurs, je ne suis même pas sûre si ces savates sont faites en Italie !
Mon obsession à moi quand ça vient aux chaussures depuis ma première paire de souliers en imitation d'alligator à l'âge de 6 ans ou de 7 ans (pense à 1966 et à 1967 !) : des souliers et des bottes rouges !!
Tant pis pour les conséquences ! D'ailleurs, je pense que nous sommes des femmes pas mal sages !
J'ai hâte de lire les autres infolettres chère Michelle.
Please keep me obsessed!!
brigitte
Belle leçon de vie ! :) Il faut aussi dire que le système dans lequel nous vivons nous pousse à adopter des comportements consuméristes…!